The Anxiety Tip No One Talks About

I think it’s fair to say that almost everyone has experienced anxiety at some point in their lives. Whether it’s chronic or just momentary, anxiety can wreak havoc on you at the most inopportune times. A common response when experiencing a moment of panic is to focus on your breathing. And that concept of breath work got me thinking about a new key to tampering down anxiety.

When you practice breath work and are actively paying attention to your breathing, your brain doesn’t allow you to focus on anything else. Your mind might drift from your breath every so often, but when you realize your thoughts have moved on, you just bring your attention back to your breath. It’s not always easy to keep your focus on your breathing and keep your mind from other topics, but with practice it becomes much easier. But breath work is not as easy when you’re surrounded by other people. It might be inconspicuous to sit openly focusing on your breathing, but it always feels like someone else can tell. So how do we fight off anxiety, especially social anxiety, when we’re with other people?

Much like focusing on your breath, when you are actively listening to the people around you, you are not able to actively think about anything else. You may still have some of the physical symptoms of anxiety, but the deeper your focus on a conversation, the less you’re thinking about your nerves. I practiced this recently in multiple different contexts and found that I was able to be far more present, better at communicating, and less nervous. When you’re constantly overthinking what you have to say because you’re so anxious about getting it right, you’re actually being a worse communicator. Preparing what you want to say is helpful and important, especially when you’re worried about speaking in an upcoming meeting or you know you have a difficult conversation coming up. But focusing on what you have to say next more than you are paying attention to those around you, keeps your nerves heightened.

It’s kind of like improv acting. How can you truly, authentically, and smartly respond to your scene partner if you’re not really in the moment and listening to what they’re saying? You’re so nervous about what you have to say that you might miss out on something to say that’s more relevant to the conversation or scene at hand. But if you’re actively listening and engaged, you won’t feel those nerves as much, and your brain will be better at responding.

✪ Action item: The next time you feel anxious in a group of people, actively listen to the conversation around you. Focus on what is being said, rather than on what you want to say. You will soon find that a few minutes have passed where you actually managed to distract yourself from your anxiety, and maybe had an enjoyable conversation in the process.