It's Okay to Be Jealous

When people talk about jealousy they often refer to it as the green-eyed monster. From that phrase alone we are meant to understand that jealousy is an evil, monstrous thing. We are not supposed to be envious of what someone else has or does. We are supposed to be content with our lives, and not compare ourselves to anyone else. But isn’t that impossible? Don’t we all get a visit from that little green guy every now and again?

Jealousy isn’t necessarily the most positive attribute. But we all experience it. So if getting jealous isn’t 100% unavoidable, why don’t we try to spin in our favor when we can?

Why We Get Jealous

We either feel jealous because we’re caught in a game of comparison and aren’t as comfortable with ourselves and our lives as we could be, or jealousy serves as a signal that there is something we want to go after. In either case, we can use that feeling as a mirror.

We Need Some Self Love

If you walk into someone’s house and immediately find yourself wishing it was your own, ask yourself why you feel that way. Do you feel insecure about what someone would think when walking into your home? Do you feel less than because your house isn’t as big or as well decorated? If so, maybe it would be helpful to find some things that you love about your house to focus on. Understand the deeper feeling behind the initial wave of envy, and use it as an exercise in self love.

We Need a Motivator

Now if you feel jealous of the other person’s home because you aspire to have the same style, or you wish you didn’t have so many unfinished projects in yours, then use that feeling as motivation. That bitter feeling is often a mask for desire.

Jealousy can remind us of our goals. Sometimes we don’t even know we have a goal until we feel that familiar pang when someone says, does, or has something. I am often jealous of people who are further in their career than I am. Some days it’s really hard not to compare myself to them. But I try to use that feeling as inspiration, and a reminder that I have to take action to get where I want to be. I think about how that person might have gotten ahead, or I ask them directly. Then I take that information and use it to propel my own career forward.

Jealousy sounds like a dirty word, and it feels even worse. But often there is no better mirror for what we want in life, or no better reminder that we need to engage in a little self love, than that dang green-eyed monster.

✪ Action item: Think about the last time you felt envious of someone. Who were you jealous of? What initially sparked that feeling inside of you? Now go deeper. Are you jealous because you feel inadequate? How can you show yourself a little love to serve as a reminder of all the good that you have in your life? Are you jealous because you feel a calling or a desire inside of you? How can you use what you’re learning and seeing from those who have what you want to go after it yourself?