Stop Saying "Should"

This week I need you to do me a favor. It’s a small ask that will make a big impact. Please, just for this week, try eliminating the word “should” from your vocabulary. When you say “should” you are inherently passing judgment. You are telling yourself or someone else that they’re not doing enough.

Let’s go through an example. “I should eat healthier.” Well, why should you? People generally like to eat healthier because it’s proven to have benefits on overall / long-term health and wellness. But hearing someone tell you that you should eat healthier reminds you of your parents saying that there are starving kids in Africa. It’s true but not necessarily helpful, and it potentially makes you push back even more.

“Should” is forceful. Instead, determine what your internal motivation would be for eating healthier. Perhaps you tell yourself that you want to eat healthier to lower your cholesterol. Now you have a motivator and all you need is to determine the steps you’d like to take to accomplish that goal. Or if you’re talking to someone else who is complaining about their recent weight gain, ask them what they’d like to do about it and ask if they need an accountability partner. They likely already know what they should and shouldn’t do, and just need help on the motivation and follow-through.

Another example of this is more theoretical. We all place a lot of undue pressure on ourselves. We might tell ourselves that we “should” be further ahead in our careers. Again, ask yourself why you feel that way. Instead of feeling guilty or embarrassed for not being where you want to be, make a game plan for how you can grow your career within the confines of what you can control. You can network more, take on additional responsibilities, talk to your boss, etc. But what you can’t control is what your boss thinks of you or the promotion process.

✪ Action item: Give yourself some grace, focus on what you can do to go after what you want, and let go of the rest. Don’t inadvertently pass judgment on yourself or others by using the word “should”.